Dead Man Attends Own Funeral

In a southern Brazilian town, a man that had been involved in a car crash was identified by family members as 59-year-old Ademir Jorge Goncalves. The family scheduled his funeral for the 2nd of November, which coincidentally happened to be a Brazilian holiday when loved ones who have passed away are remembered, Dia de Finados.

What the Goncalves' family did not know was that Ademir had spent the night drinking in a bar near the site of the crash, but he was not the victim. When Ademir got word about his funeral he decided that he would go make an appearance. The sight of Ademir alive shocked relatives, some of whom tried to jump out of the windows of the funeral home. "In my 10 years in this business, I have never witnessed a scene like this," said Natanael Honorato, manager of the funeral home in the Parana state.

Later that day, the mystery was solved when a family in a neighboring town came inquiring about a son who was missing. The family recognized the body -- and took it away for burial.

Now We Can All Keep Track of Our Poo!

iPhone apps are getting weirder and weirder... The writers of a popular best-selling book called "What's Your Poo Telling You" have come up with an iPhone app called the Poo Log. The book centered around how important it is to know what your bowel movements are telling you about you body's health and general well being. One can learn how to read the signs of a sub-par operating digestive system by just taking the time to examine the color, contents and texture of each bowel movement.

The app just builds up on the fundamentals taught in the book and gives a poo journaling and digital timing system where a user can keep track of how their poo is behaving on a day to day basis. With a clever mix of bathroom humor and legitimate medical information, the ‘Poo Log’ allows the user to track his/her digestive workings and graph their ‘poo’ – all with one hand.

According to the app’s developers, AvatarLabs Inc, the tracker features medically accurate info that is suitable for all ages, and of course helpful tips such as, “Light a match. Now.”

Can Pigeons Replace the Internet?

If you live in South Africa, then that would be yes, pigeons can be used in place of the internet. According to Reuters, a South African company on Wednesday proved it was faster for them to transmit data with a carrier pigeon than to send it using Telkom.

IT took Winston, the 11-month-old pigeon, 68 minutes to fly from Pietermaritzburg to Durban with a data card was strapped to his leg. Total time including downloading: two hours, six minutes and 57 seconds -- at which point the transfer was only at 4% using a Telkom ADSL line.

Living in SA and having to deal with our ridiculously slow internet speeds, this story does not shock me in the least. Well, maybe for the fact that pigeons fly at close to 80 km/h... Amazing.

Spam amongst friends

Email is really amazing; I just wish some people could be blocked from using it. We all know that there is not much that can be done to stop the spambots, these are automated computer programs designed with the sole intent of bombarding our inboxes with lots and lots of junk. Luckily for us, our ever effective spam filters stop these emails dead in their tracks. The same cannot be said for friendly spammers.

Yes, that's right, I said it. Friends too can be spammers. They send us emails containing a joke that they think is funny. They send us emails about missing children in Australia. They even send us emails about how if we send this email to 10 of our friends, we will have a good thing happen to us that week (one good thing... how amazingly awesome!!!)

Even though this type of spam ranks as fairly innocent in the face of bootleg Viagra peddlers and Nigerian "princes," indiscriminate email blasts to one's acquaintances is never well received. Nobody wants to live in a world where giving contact info to a friend or colleague is tantamount to checking the "Yes, please keep me informed about exciting product offers!" box.

This problem among acquaintances seems to be evolving with the advent of social networking sites where spamming takes on the form of status updates, group and cause invitations, and "tweets". Unless one sets it otherwise, you will be getting these new forms of spam as email notifications, it seems friendly spam will never go away.

The only remaining option (tough but effective) is to mark Facebook, Twitter and friendly spammers as junk mail.

Distressing session at UCT

Students Need Money

The following letter was written home to his parents by a student who was trying to hint that he needed some money.....

Dear Father,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply �an''t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

After receiving his son''s letter, the father immediately replied with this letter:

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

A day in hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?
Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell.

Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinking' man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and etc we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Guy: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Guy: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: What? Yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs!
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack you can do all the drugs you want and if you overdose that's right you’re dead who cares
Guy: Waaoo! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: You gay?
Guy: Uh no.
Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

Glad i could clear up any misunderstanding... LoL!

The question is "is he lying or he is withholding the truth?

Believe it or not, it does exist !!

Ever heard about it?

Lamebook is for fun and the name says it all: We post lame and funny pictures, status updates, and other gems found on your favorite social networking site. Feel free to submit your own findings and we will do our best to post them!

Check it out yourself....

Painfull Groin Shots

OK Men. We all know about it. We all think about it, but we rarely talk about it. Hell thinking about it just makes that area tingle doesn’t it? It’s the one area on the male body that we really have a hard time joking about….well that is of course unless one of your buddies takes a serious shot there and he’s not seriously hurt.

Yes, that would be the groin area, or as most of us would say: Balls. I remember my first major shot to the cajones. It was playing tennis. I was at net at 11 years of age. One powerful forehand later and I was on the ground for a solid 5 minutes.

Now, if I’m tussling with my 6-year-old nephew and I get nudged there, I practically cry. It’s a sensitive spot but like I said, pretty funny to watch as long as the guy is OK.

Source: http://www.uncoached.com/